Word Worth®
                      World Magazine of Ideas and the Arts™ — ©Spring 2019 Volume XIX,  Issue 2

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What We’ve Got to Tell Our Daughters

Many years ago, the Saturday Evening Post had a cartoon that depicted a man in a disheveled suit slumped on a bar and a pretty young thing by his side. The man was saying, “Ma wibe dahnt undastoon me.” The circumstance of the married man convincing young women that they have horrible wives who haven’t copulated with them in years (but suddenly become pregnant with their husband's child) is the subject of stand-up after stand-up, sitcom after sitcom, and movie after movie. Young women get hooked into that time after time. The degenerate who recently murdered his wife pregnant with their son and then murdered his two toddler daughters in order to be with a girl he admired is just an extreme example of a common problem.

Mothers who talk with daughters often say, “Boys only want one thing.” Well, girls only want one thing too. The difference is that girls understand much sooner the problems that one thing brings with it.

For millennia girls were held responsible for: fighting the much stronger boy, fighting their own hormonal drive, and any pregnancy that happened to occur in the course of coitus. If they got pregnant, it was their fault. If they didn’t get pregnant when they were married, it was their fault. If they had a daughter when they were supposed to have a son, it was their fault.

What girls have to know, however, is what marriage really is. The same girls who get hooked into an emotional bond with a married man want a sound marriage themselves. Again and again, girls allow themselves to believe that it is, as HE says, all his wife’s fault. When he divorces her, they will marry and be blissfully happy ever after.’

The Monica Lewinsky fiasco is a good example with a twist. By her own account, she was the aggressor. She thought that Clinton would divorce HRC and marry her. Clearly, she never considered what kind of marriage that would be. She whined to Barbara Walters about the “meanies” who finally managed to shove her out of the White House—but they did it by getting her a very good job elsewhere. She claimed in the interview that the tawdry liaison didn’t keep the President from doing his job or her from doing hers. What?!!!! The entire government ground to a halt while she was enjoying the spotlight.

Now she wants to exploit the MeToo movement created by women who have genuine grounds for demanding justice. Lewinsky thinks Clinton should apologize to her! She is the one who should be apologizing—to the whole country. Clinton does own an apology, but to the country in addition to his wife.

Lewinsky, however, is just an extreme example of a lack of guidance from elders. It has always seemed easier to give boys guidance. For centuries, boys were basically told, “go ruin some girl’s life, and then you’ll be a man.” I would have liked to tell both my son and my daughter not to engage in sexual conduct before marriage, but as sex is thrown at kids from every media corner that approach is ridiculous in this age. What I told my son was, “Don’t ever sleep with a girl that you would never want to marry, or you could end up having a child that you don’t like.”

What girls sense early on is that pregnancy, giving birth, supplying financial and emotional needs for one baby to adulthood is very difficult alone. It can be done without a man, but not without strong family support. Hence, girls generally realize that a sound marriage leads to a more productive life than staying single. The problem for girls is that boys tend not to realize that until later even though it’s been proven that men are healthier in good marriages.

What we have to teach girls is that a marriage which is not good, is bad. It’s better to have no marriage than one with an abusive or unfaithful husband, and a girl is not likely to have a sound marriage in the future with a man who is philandering in his present marriage. We’ve got to teach girls that they have a right to expect everything from a man that they, when a woman, will be willing to give to him.

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