to Tell Our Daughters
Many years ago, the Saturday Evening Post
had a cartoon that depicted a man in a disheveled suit slumped on a bar
and a pretty young thing by his side. The man was saying, “Ma wibe dahnt
undastoon me.” The circumstance of the married man convincing young
women that they have horrible wives who haven’t copulated with them in
years (but suddenly become pregnant with their husband's child) is the subject of
stand-up after stand-up, sitcom after sitcom, and movie after movie.
Young women get hooked into that time after time. The degenerate who
recently murdered his wife pregnant with their son and then murdered his
two toddler daughters in order to be with a girl he admired is just an
extreme example of a common problem.
Mothers who talk with daughters often
say, “Boys only want one thing.” Well, girls only want one thing too.
The difference is that girls understand much sooner the problems that
one thing brings with it.
For millennia girls were held responsible
for: fighting the much stronger boy, fighting their own hormonal drive,
and any pregnancy that happened to occur in the course of coitus. If
they got pregnant, it was their fault. If they didn’t get pregnant when
they were married, it was their fault. If they had a daughter when they
were supposed to have a son, it was their fault.
What girls have to know, however, is what
marriage really is. The same girls who get hooked into an emotional bond
with a married man want a sound marriage themselves. Again and again,
girls allow themselves to believe that it is, as HE says, all his wife’s
fault. When he divorces her, they
will marry and be blissfully happy ever after.’
The Monica Lewinsky fiasco is a good
example with a twist. By her own account, she was the aggressor. She
thought that Clinton would divorce HRC and marry her. Clearly, she never
considered what kind of marriage that would be. She whined to Barbara
Walters about the “meanies” who finally managed to shove her out of the
White House—but they did it by getting her a very good job elsewhere.
She claimed in the interview that the tawdry liaison didn’t keep the
President from doing his job or her from doing hers. What?!!!! The
entire government ground to a halt while she was enjoying the spotlight.
Now she wants to exploit the MeToo
movement created by women who have genuine grounds for demanding
justice. Lewinsky thinks Clinton should apologize to her! She is
the one who should be apologizing—to the whole country. Clinton does own
an apology, but to the country in addition to his wife.
Lewinsky, however, is just an extreme
example of a lack of guidance from elders. It has always seemed easier
to give boys guidance. For centuries, boys were basically told, “go ruin
some girl’s life, and then you’ll be a man.” I would have liked to tell
both my son and my daughter not to engage in sexual conduct before
marriage, but as sex is thrown at kids from every media corner that
approach is ridiculous in this age. What I told my son was, “Don’t ever
sleep with a girl that you would never want to marry, or you could end
up having a child that you don’t like.”
What girls sense early on is that
pregnancy, giving birth, supplying financial and emotional needs for one
baby to adulthood is very difficult alone. It can be done without a man, but
not without strong family support. Hence, girls generally realize that a
sound marriage leads to a more productive life than staying single. The
problem for girls is that boys tend not to realize that until later even
though it’s been proven that men are healthier in good marriages.
What we have to teach girls is that a
marriage which is not good, is bad. It’s better to have no marriage than
one with an abusive or unfaithful husband, and a girl is not likely to
have a sound marriage in the future with a man who is philandering in
his present marriage. We’ve got to teach girls that they have a right to
expect everything from a man that they, when a woman, will be willing to
give to him.